Thursday, December 3, 2009

Today Isn't That Special.

I've got to get a few things down.

Every weekday since this year started, I've been getting 6 or less hours of sleep. I don't mind and I still function, but it's weird because when you lack sleep for a couple months, and then you gain that extra hour of sleep for one night, you can feel the difference. I've never really noticed that until junior year.

I've been so worried, stressed, pissed, and not happy for a while now. I don't think I've been truly happy for the last couple weeks. I need to learn how to tackle things without thinking a bunch. I feel like I'm incapable of doing things sometimes. It's difficult, and people tell me to give up or to stop. I don't want to give up anything. I want to keep pushing myself, but I the more I do that, the more I get worried. I can't relax, or seem to make myself take a break. I just keep going. I feel like there's not enough time in the day to finish things. I know it might sound like I'm complaining, but I'm only human. And I complain. I'm not going to sit there and hold everything inside until it all explodes into one emotional break down. I've never been this stressed out about school or life in general, ever! I don't know what to do, and I'm finding myself in a rut. I don't enjoy watching TV because I'm thinking about that essay. I don't enjoy dinner because I'm thinking about that test. I don't enjoy coming home because my mom has to leave for work anyways... This probably sounds really pathetic, but I hope things get better...

Um...I cried today, and I couldn't stop. My heart was racing really fast, and it was kind of hard to breathe. I don't know what happened, but it wasn't good. That's all I know...

The downfall to caring too much is worry. Worry is horrible.
What ever you do; don't worry, be happy!

1 comment:

  1. Lisa, I feel that way sometimes, too. I know worry and stress are overwhelming sometimes, and finding that thing that takes all the worry away is pretty hard. I used to do really simple yoga, or reading, or just "meditating". There's this nice podcast on iTunes, called "Trance Around the World-Above and Beyond", that's really relaxing.
    I don't know if this is how you feel, but I just never wanted to give anything up so that I didn't let anybody down. But you gotta make sure that you're doing these things for yourself, because you WANT to do these things.
    Just know that people love you, stressed or not, and even if they say you should stop, it's just because they don't like seeing you sad.
    Keep doing what you want, drop the things you don't want, and try being happy as best you can. =]

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